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Could Duffy's Brew Bring You A Mustache That Changes The World?

Posted by Jason Blalock on Jul 13th 2015

Well, no. Only you can change the world, grasshopper. Great facial hair merely helps.

However, what Duffy's can do is bring you some of the best mustache wax in the world, and that's gotta count for something, too. Our brand-spankin' new Duffy's Brew Citra Hops Mustache Wax is a terrific addition to our line of beer-based hair care products, bringing you awesome 'stache styling that conditions your mustache while you groom.

Plus, like all Duffy's Brew products, it smells fantastic. We use coconut oil for that rich scent, along with genuine Citra Hops straight from the B.T. Loftus Ranches. Citra Hops are becoming well-known among craft brewers for their strong, enticing aroma, full of citrus and hints of other tropical fruits.

And, well, we can think of a few reasons one might want a mustache that smells really ridiculously good while showing off the unique style of its bearer.

So, we've decided to pay tribute today to some of the all-time great mustaches.

Five Totally Awesome 'Staches That Have CHANGED THE WORLD!

Theodore Roosevelt

Nothing says "timeless style" like a national monument in your honor. So get to it already!

Theodore "Don't Call Me Teddy" Roosevelt was one of America's greatest presidents, and the proud bearer of one of America's greatest mustaches. Besides building the Panama Canal and uttering the single most badass line ever said by a human being, Theodore Roosevelt stands proudly as the only entrant on this list to have his 'stache carved into a wall of rock.

So next time you're in South Dakota, tip your hat to the amazing Bull Moose mustache.

Salvador Dali

This is actually only the outer extrusion of Dali's masterpiece of a mustache, which is estimated to have comprised 83.197% of his internal body mass.

You want the true master of mustache waxing? We give you famed painter Salvador Dali, whose spider-like surrealist designs continually threatened to overtake his face and start laying eggs. We don't know how much mustache wax this man went through in his lifetime, but we can assure you... he would have smelled far better if it had been Duffy's Brew!

On the other hand, the man was a genius at dodging bar tabs. He'd draw a quick sketch on the back of a check, so that the barkeep would frame it instead of cashing it.

Behold the power of a great waxed mustache.

And worldwide fame.

Frederich Nietzsche

Nietzsche died tragically not long after this was sketched, having leapt from a ten-story rooftop while holding a feather and flapping his mustache furiously

Long before Sam Elliot was even a twinkle in his undoubtedly-awesome father's eye, there was philosopher and eventual basket case Frederich Nietzsche, showing off how The Walrus can still be tamed. This famed author of "Beyond Good and Evil" and "Thus Spake Zarathustra" and pioneer of postmodern philosophy wasn't afraid to let his freaky facial-hair flag fly!

You might not need to be a superman to make this 'stache work, but it certainly helps. If not, just explain that you've moved beyond conventional grooming into purely contextual subjective styling.

Hulk Hogan

Unfortunately, even the Hulkster's Handlebars couldn't save TNA.

Wat'choo gunna do when Handlebars run riot again, bruther?? The Hulkster has proudly worn this style nonstop since his original rise to fame. Thirty years, two marriages and many reality-TV appearances later, his future-forward facial hair can still stand as inspiration for those who want to make an impact and fight for the rights of every man!

As to his historical relevance? Well sure, there may be presidents and emperors on this list, but it was the one-and-only Hulk Hogan who truly ushered in the New World Order.

(And did we mention that Citra Hops Mustache Wax is packed fulla vitamins too, bruther??)

Emperor Franz Josef I

You wish you were rich enough to pull this off.

Sure, "sideburns" are named for famous Union General Ambrose Burnside, who popularized this carefully-cultivated bit of styling while helping win the Civil War. But it's Emperor Franz Josef I of Austria who truly pushed it to the limit, Scarface-style, with a mustache standing out proudly and distinctly from the sideburns threatening to outflank it.

Plus, the Franz Josef remains practical. Despite all that facial hair, you can still eat soup without wearing your dinner.

So Wax That 'Stache

Do YOU have what it takes to change the world, like these shining exemplars? Only time will tell, but in the meantime... try the new Citra Hops Mustache Wax, from Duffy's Brew!

Until the world is ready for your true greatness, let them revel in the glory of your 'stache.