In our vital position as arbiters of good taste and even better hair, it pains us to note that alongside the rise of beard oil as a product used by distinguished gentleman everywhere, there has been a rise in persistent and pernicious rumors about the product.

Some, it seems, simply cannot stand the idea of silky-smooth beards that smell great. These unfortunate souls feel the need to sully this noble facial hair-care product.

So to commemorate the launching of our new Duffy's Brew Citra Hop Beard Oil, we would like to dispel a few misconceptions about beard oil, as well as the use of delicious musky Citra Hops in beard products.

Three More Despicable Lies Told About Beard Oil

1 - Beard oil is obtained through cruel methods.

You have probably seen the meme that's been making the rounds between our older family members, decrying the cruel and unusual treatment of beard-owners by unscrupulous beard oil mongers. But we assure you, chaps like this unfortunate fellow...

...are merely practicing poor grooming habits. All Duffy's Brew products are entirely cruelty-free.

In truth (1) all Duffy's beard oil is hand-milked from only the finest beards, in our own spa-like settings. All beard oil donors are treated with the most gentle and soothing care as the oil is slowly drained from their mighty chin curtain.

Then they are released to free-graze on our lovely 20-acre ranch, until time for the next day's milking.

2 - Beard oil increases your electrical conductivity.

Have no fear, you popular pogonotrophists of the world! Under no circumstances will beard oil ever cause you to look like this, even during the most extreme of electrical incidents.

Here at Duffy's Brew, we despise this sort of below-the-belt mudslinging... Which is why we feel compelled to let you know with total confidence (2) that only inferior brands that can cause such shocking styling. With Duffy's Brew Citra Hop Beard Oil, you can rest assured that when sparks fly, your beard will remain just as soft and stroke-able as ever.

With other brands, well, you can never be entirely sure.

3 - Citra hop beard oil causes unsightly growths.

Despite what you may have read on the so-called "Internet," there is absolutely no reason to think that just because you used too much Citra Hop beard oil, your face will suddenly become host to invasive species.

All but the most expansive beard growth only needs 3-5 drops of Duffy's Brew Citra Hop Beard Oil massaged in, to get a fine sheen and a head-turning musky citrus scent. However, using additional product should have no adverse effects beyond bringing a slicker, muskier sheen.

And can one ever be too musky? (3)

Should you wish to utilize your beard as a supplemental salad bar, we suggest a fertilizer-pack facial, followed by a light dusting of ammonium nitrate, with a mineral water wash as a chaser. Wait three months under a grow lamp, then harvest with a quality electric shaver.

Citra Hop Beard Oil: Really Really Ridiculously Good For Your Beard

Now that we have had this chance to dispel a few myths, we're sure you'll agree that Duffy's Brew Citra Hop Beard Oil is a superior product that in no way is likely to cause anything but a great-smelling and great-looking beard.

So try a bottle today!

(1) Well, that's not entirely accurate. Oils in Citra Hop Beard Oil include: Apricot Kernel, Grapeseed, Vitamin E, Jojoba, and Argan Oil. Yummy!

(2) As in "confidence trick".

(3) Yes. The answer is most definitely "Yes." Duffy's Brew encourages you to musk responsibly.